Never Ever Again
by She-Whose-Name-Is-Hypenated
Summary: "So James went outside right? Said he wanted to be alone. And he took his favorite knife with him. AND NONE OF YOU THOUGHT TO STOP HIM?!!” Lucille thundered. Uh oh... what's going on? Read on to find out!!


A/N: This is one of those times when the Idea Critter bites your leg and doesn't let go till you write the story. So I did. Hope you like. This isn't related to my other Lily/James fic except I used the same characters. Kit and Lucille are friends of Lily's and Danielle is James' sister. Hey is that his sister's real name? Because I've read an awful lot of fics where that's the name of his sister.  
  
Before the story starts: Lily and James haven't been speaking for months. Lily believes that he used her and won't listen to the truth. Danielle and Kit believe Lily while Lucille is skeptical. Lucille has always considered James to be a friend. Lily and James had a huge fight and then James went off for a walk... and there the story begins...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Where's James?" Lucille asked, looking around the room. Lily stiffened and Danielle looked at Lily with sympathy.  
  
"Who cares?" Lily said savagely.  
  
The Marauders gazed at Lily uncomfortably. Remus then turned to Lucille. "He said he wanted to be alone for a while. He went outside for a walk."  
  
Lucille's eyes widened in terror and she quickly turned no one but Remus noticing anything odd. "I'll be back soon," she said as she left.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Lucille came back into the room ten minutes later. "Honestly, the stupidly of some people scare me!" Lucille said, her voice going low and furious.  
  
Lily looked at her then laughed. "Yes, James IS rather stupid really."  
  
Danielle looked at her with a smile. "Liiiillllyyy," she said laughing.  
  
Lucille looked at them both her eyes blazing with something close to burning hatred. Everyone looked at her in shock. Lucille was the calm sedate one not inclined to hatred or anger. The look on her face now however, spoke of nothing but. "Actually," she said her voice going even quieter and more sinister. "I was speaking of the people in this room," she said glaring at Kit, Lily, Danielle and the Marauders. "So James went outside right? Said he wanted to be alone. And he took his favorite knife with him. AND NONE OF YOU THOUGHT TO STOP HIM?!!!!" she thundered. "If I had been two seconds later, I would have been two seconds too late," she said her voice trembling with anger.  
  
"W... what??!!" Lily said, her voice trembling.  
  
Lucille opened her pocket and began fumbling with something inside it. "You heard me," she said. She pulled something out of her pocket and flung it to the floor. It was a knife and on it was...  
  
"That's blood!" Lily shrieked, all color draining from her face.  
  
Lucille looked at them all the anger leaving her face. "I told you, two seconds and I would have been too late. I saw it because I've been there twice. But both times someone was there for me. Both times someone noticed that I'd and was willing to fight with me about it. Someone cared," she said her voice reproachful and sad.  
  
"Wait... where's James now?" Remus said in a panic.  
  
"He's fine. He gave me his word that he'd be back," Lucille said sitting down.  
  
"What happened?" Remus said in a subdued voice.  
  
"I caught up with him just as he was drawing the knife across his throat."  
  
* * * * * Flash back * * * * *  
  
"James! Stop it!" Lucille said out of breath. His hand froze and his eyes opened.  
  
"Damn. Why couldn't you leave me alone? Why couldn't you stay away?" he said bitterly.  
  
"James. Put the knife down. Put it down!" she said frantically. She was too far away to wrestle him for the knife and the knife was still against his throat, a fine trickle of blood beginning to come from it.  
  
"Why? I have nothing left to live for," he said bitterly, closing his eyes again.  
  
"You... you have lots of things to live for James," she said in a confused voice.  
  
"No," he whispered. "I only had one. And she hates me," he said a tear falling from under the closed eyelid. Lucille gaped at him.  
  
"James," Lucille said desperately. "she doesn't hate you!"  
  
"Yes she does," he said in the same soft voice. "She talked to me earlier and I saw what was in her eyes. She's never been a good actress," he said with a soft, sad, wistful smile. "What I saw wasn't confusion or anger. It was hatred. Blazing hatred, the likes of which I have never seen before. And I have to face the prospect that that is what I will see every time I look at her. My heart's never been broken before. It's never even been close. But the entire time I've been away from Lily its been cracking. But that look did it. My heart is broken and bleeding and I just want it all to stop. I don't want to live without her. There's just no point," he said, another tear running down his cheeks.  
  
"James, put down the knife. You don't want to do this," Lucille said her eyes roving around for a way to end this and come out with James alive.  
  
"Lucille, I can't live without her," he said desperately.  
  
"You'll never know if she really loved you or not. How can you leave her behind? How can you leave your parents behind? Your sister? Hogwarts? What about the Marauders? Don't throw it all away James. You'll never know what might have been. You can't give up," she said, her tone offering him hope and friendship. His eyes opened and he looked at her, his eyes wide and almost frightened. "You don't want to do this," she whispered taking a step closer. "Give me the knife James," she said in a still softer voice.  
  
He looked at her then in one swift motion he threw the knife down at her feet. She immediately stooped, picked it up and placed it in her pocket so that he could no longer get it. She went closer to him but he moved away from her. "Please let me be Lucille. I want to be alone," he said closing his eyes again.  
  
Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him in sympathy and pity. "I want your vow that you will come back to the house uninjured," she said firmly.  
  
"I promise," he said softly.  
  
"Not good enough. I want your vow on the thing you hold most dear to your heart," she said in a rock steady voice.  
  
"I swear on Lily then," he whispered and her heart nearly broke from the sorrow these words caused.  
  
As she turned to go he called out to her again. "I'm already dead you know. My body just hasn't realized it yet. Because I can't live without her love," he said tears running down his cheeks in streaks. Lucille let out a soft sob then turned to go.  
  
* * * * End Flash back * * * *  
  
Lucille stared at the ground as her tale finished. The Marauders were still horrified to think how close James had come to doing the unthinkable. Kit too was incredulous and upset. Danielle felt horribly responsible but nothing compared to what Lily was feeling. Lily was speechless staring at the ground in horror. The group sat in silence for a few moments then talk started up softly. The talk continued for a few minutes very subdued but then Remus suddenly spoke up louder.  
  
"Where's Lily?" he asked looking around and not finding the brunette.  
  
Lucille looked around and then a wide smile appeared on her lips. "She went to find a baindaid," she whispered.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
James watched Lucille practically run out of sight. He lay down on his stomach and laid his head on his crossed arms. Tears continued to flow down his cheeks but the pain in his heart seemed to be gone now. He felt as if he was just an empty shell. But he was just fooling himself. The pain came back in full force and the numbness that had filled him before vanished like a puff of smoke. He closed his eyes and sobbed softly. A feather light hand touched his shoulder and he sighed sorrowfully.  
  
"Lucille, I gave my word. I swore on Lily. How can you think that I would go back on that?" he said bitterly.  
  
"She doesn't think that you would."  
  
James froze when he heard that voice. It was the one voice in the world that he wanted to hear. "It's a dream," he whispered. "I'll look up and she won't really be there." He opened his eyes and there she was. Reddish hair tumbling down her back, face contorted with grief and sorrow, and emerald eyes. Emerald eyes that were filled with love. He pushed himself to a kneeling position in front of her and her hand dropped from his shoulder.  
  
He placed his hands on her cheeks so softly and tenderly that she wanted to burst out crying. "Lily?" he said as if he didn't believe it. Other boys that had liked her had often mutilated how they said her name. By giving it a sensual twist they had mortified her. But James said it as if it was a precious thing. As if it were a piece of glass and he was afraid of breaking it. She saw the redness of his throat and the tears came. She made no noise but the tears came in a solid flow of pain and guilt.  
  
James wiped away her tears with a loving feather light touch. At this touch Lily lost all control. She began to sob hysterically. "If he'd done it, it would've been my fault!" she screamed to herself. The tears fell harder and faster as she thought that.  
  
James couldn't stand seeing her cry. He put his arms about her shoulders and drew her close to him. She collapsed, still sobbing on his chest. He stroked her bright hair and murmured sweet nothings in her ear trying to make her tears go away.  
  
The touch of his hand, the sound of his voice told Lily all that she had been missing. She sobbed for the lost years, the lost weeks, even the lost minutes. It seemed to her now that any time she wasn't with James was a wasted moment.  
  
James held her close, his tears falling onto her soft hair. "I love you Lily. I always have," he whispered to her.  
  
Lily looked at him. "I know. I think I always did know," she whispered. Then her voice went even lower and quieter. "I love you too James," she said blinking back fresh tears.  
  
James looked at her then bent his head and kissed her lightly on the lips. Then he pulled her closer and stared into her emerald eyes and stroked her long silky hair. "Don't ever leave me again," he whispered pulling her even closer to him.  
  
She looked at him then kissed him softly. "Never ever again," she whispered.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
A/N: Like? Hate? Either way please review. This is only one chapter and it doesn't really go with my other Lily James story except for the characters. Just one of those ideas that don't let go. x.x Anyway... the button is right there. See it? *points to the review button* Its there for YOU (yes YOU) to use. So plz plz plz plz plz plz PLZ do! Thanks much.  
  
~Teva~ 


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